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Online dating email and chat etiquette

Dr. Hans Rauk, PHD

You can be in your bathrobe, watch TV and eat while at your computer but for online dating and chatting, you have to have etiquette the moment your fingers touch the keyboard. Whether you use Yahoo messenger, AIM chat, or some other chat type service, you need to become aware of the proper methods to achieve effective results. This is the point where the person on the other end will feel part of the real you. So first and foremost you have to be honest from the moment you create your profile and continue that as you get to know the other person online. Any little white lies or completely made up stories will get found out eventually. At that point your creditability will go along with your possibilities of going off line to meet. People chat to each other in chat rooms, on message boards and forums so you don’t want to end up as one of their topics. While the Internet is a big place, there are communities that talk to each other. Honesty is attractive no matter how you look at your keyboard.

When you first contact someone, say hello with a personalized detailed e-mail. Lots of online dating sites have smiles or flirts but you can’t beat a personal message and honestly…these so called “winks” are very lame! You can mention in your email parts of their profile that have caught your attention. It shows them that you have actually read their profile. Everyone wants to feel special and unique so impress them by making them feel as such. Emails are much more effective to initiate conversation so make it good. Suggest a variety of ways to contract from Yahoo messenger, AIM or phone. Allow the other person to make the comfortable choice. While a long series of emails can help break the ice too, at some point you have to move forward to actual talking (by chat or phone).

Everyone is inquisitive when they start conversing with someone online but that doesn’t mean you should continually ask questions. Don’t give the other person a reason to be put off by peppering them with a lot of questions at once. You need to just let the questions flow with the conversation by weaving them in naturally. If they bring something up that can lead into a question then ask it. Also giving some information about you gradually will allow the other person to be more willing to let their guard down a bit. Become a good listener. Most people like talking about themselves, and this can lead into you asking a few questions that they will be willing to answer. Plus this shows that you’re paying attention, and that can only be in your favor. If you are at a loss for conversation primers or topics you can get some great ideas from this site.

Never ask questions or make statements that will put the other person on the defensive. Subjects like politics and religion should be left alone for quite a while. Questions in a sexual nature are also best left till you are comfortable with each other unless of course you met on one of the many sexual meeting sites. In most cases you should leave these topics of conversation till you know someone very well or even wait until you have met them offline. The same goes for asking for a picture right away. Realize that the other person is just as anxious about seeing what you look like but have some conversation first rather than going for the visual right away. Do not come across as eager or desperate. Never push someone into doing anything they don’t want to do. You have to respect anyone’s wishes on the speed in which they want to get to know you. Project a positive attitude in all chats. People gravitate towards positive individuals and expressing positive ideas will show you to be dynamic and exciting.

Leave all capital letters, cute short hand text and abbreviated sentences out of the conversation. When you use capitals it’s a form of shouting online, and abbreviated text are often hard to decipher and annoying. You will probably get a way with the odd smiley or “lol”, so they know when you’re joking but don’t over do it. Remember this is someone you are trying to impress, and maybe one day, have a lasting relationship with. Do NOT use “ASL” when beginning a chat online-EVER! It is one of the dumbest ways to start a serious conversation and shows the other person that you lack any imagination or common etiquette. Presentation is everything especially when attracting a partner through online chats and dating sites. This is the same as flirting in person and if you need ideas on how to flirt well then check this site out.

Understand that this process will take time and pushing too fast, too soon will only lead you to a dead end. Online dating and chat is a delicate dance and if you are to be effective you need to be aware of the subtle moves the “dance” requires. Read each response twice to get the full meaning of what the other is saying-then respond. You will find that most people have a number of different messages in each response and finding these will give you the edge in leading your chat partner to a positive result.

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